Gee whizzacres Mr. Mayor-let’s make a bike lane or something !


Golly gee whiz Mayor, we could make a bike lane on Arapahoe Street and become a really cool city and stuff. All the 350 people who ride their bikes to work every day will like us a whole lot.
Plus, we’ll lay down all kinds of aggressively-bright green paint down on the street, which will look great on nightly news reports on TV. Should they ever cover us or anything….out here, um, in the mountains.
Also, it’ll really alienate the people who actually drive in downtown Denver.
Forcing people to hate driving in Denver, sir, is really a ” good thing”- please hear me out, I’m paradigm-shifting here sir-
forcing people who drive, out of downtown Denver, will actually help Denver.
“But making parking and driving more difficult is bad for all the thousands of people who have just moved to the brand new lofts and condos to Denver in recent years. It’s the ‘new urbanism’ fatuous schlock that people just love – in bunches”.
We’re projecting a new image here sir.
We’re coming out of the old ‘cowtown’ image, sir, by
removing efficiency.
Removing parking spaces for businesses who need customers to park, and then shop, restricting traffic flow from three or four lanes to two- or dare I say it- one, makes us as forward-looking as any European city I can think of.
We’re making Denver an impossible city to drive in, sir.
” If no-one can drive in Denver, then no-one will come downtown and spend money. That means declining sales taxes. People won’t want to shop on the 16th street mall “.
Sir, a cabinet position in a future Clinton administration would be really nice on your resume as a Washington lobbyist.
” Well, I always wanted a Georgetown townhouse”.
Sir, exactly.

*Please note: The imaginary discussion above is purely fictional and not real. It is satire. It’s a joke and has no basis in reality. It is a product of the writer’s imagination. It is opinion only.


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